July 11, 2010 | 
Author There’s something to be said for being who you are, no matter what. Not many people can stay true to themselves when faced with social situations into which they surely do not fit. Compromise on something else.
My team, for example, contains guys with a crazy assortment of backgrounds. Vegas, Brooklyn, Baltimore, Chicago, Cincinnati, everywhere in Texas, California, you name it, we have a guy from there. All that diversity means that there are big differences in the way we dress, talk, and act when we go out on the town.
Just last week we were way up at the northern tip of Michigan, and we got a chance to go out one night to experience their local nightlife. It became apparent to us within 5 minutes of being in the bars that we just didn’t belong, and weren’t like the others. Even though we all have different styles, being from so many different places, none of us fit in individually, and we all certainly didn’t fit in together.
You wonder why, why there are such differences in people within the same country. It’s hard to put your finger on it sometimes, and sometimes is might be something intangible like the aura that others put out. Yet, sometimes it’s cut and dry. We weren’t wearing V-neck shirts a size too tight; we didn’t have our hair spiked up in a blowout; we weren’t there with some stuck-up girl that we watched over from afar, ready to swoop in if any guy approached her.
"Really, you make your own hair gel?"
But back at home in Illinois there is still the same phenomenon. People are a bit more normal and approachable there (bad pun intended), but anything glaring that doesn’t fit the mold draws negative attention. My road roommate, Jason, is from Texas, and he is as much a Texan as anyone. Cowboy hat, studded belt, cowboy boots, fitted jeans and a Texas-star-studded wallet. Thing is, that’s who he is, he’s not ashamed to show it in public, and he doesn’t give a damn what other people think. And I can respect a guy like that. He knows that everyone looks at him, and the insecure “tough” guys make remarks as he passes, but he wouldn’t compromise who he is for anyone. And you become proud to roll with someone who respects himself like that.
One of the coolest things about being on the road is seeing these different places and occasionally feeling out of place. Though it isn’t comfortable, things that are uncomfortable are interesting, and teach us something about ourselves. Being around the same people doing the same things gets dull, and you never grow out of that hometown mold from which you were originally shaped.
Great observation Dan.
I think the reason people have a hard time being true to who they are and are at the same time afraid of being exposed to ideas that conflict with their own, comes down to the topic of your previous post. We see people who seem so confident, so cool, and we want people to see us the same way. But like you said, most of us don’t see ourselves that way. We don’t want people to see our warts and imperfections so we try to project an image of some person that doesn’t really exist.
We spend more time trying to live up to an image of what we want people to think of us than trying to figure out who we are. We fear the judgment that comes with authenticity. We don’t spend time figuring out why we believe what we believe. Until we do that we can’t be comfortable in our own skin, and we fear new ideas or people who aren’t just like us instead of trying to understand them. Ok, I’ll come clean, you can substitute an “I” in place of “we”. Authenticity is where it’s at, but man it’s hard.
Thanks for that. You make great points, and it raises in me a further question: Who are we, really?
What clothes best represent me as a person? What public demeanor, what group of friends, what lifestyle should I have that makes me most true to myself? Where does personality intersect with the nurturing that advertisement and marketing provide, as well as our desires, inadequacies and fears? I’m not sure I have answers for any of this, but it makes me wonder if I am really representing myself well, or if I really know who I am at a fundamental level. How can I know if I am true to myself, if I don’t know who I really am?
Ah yes, the question man has been asking himself from the beginning of time that was so well spoken by Admiral Stockdale in the 1992 Vice Presidential debate.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uKpX-5jQjQ0
When I think about knowing who we are at a fundamental level, and then in turn being at least reasonably sure we’re being true to ourselves, I think about the concept of a purpose to our lives. Or at least somewhat of an understanding of what that purpose might be.
The people I know who seem genuinely confident in who they are typically can articulate their belief in a purpose in this life, whatever that may be. For some it is to make a stride in a medical breakthrough, for some it is to feed the poor, to educate, to serve their god, or to just enjoy life. Are they right? Do they know beyond a shadow of a doubt their understanding of purpose is “true”? Don’t know, but they believe it is true, and that belief seems to lead to that comfort.
So… where does that leave us? I guess I want to know where this desire to know who we are and why we’re on this earth comes from. I hope the answer to that question shed’s some light on our ability to figure out why we’re here. If there is a purpose I can try to figure out what that is. If there is no purpose, then maybe it doesn’t really matter what I do, so therefore I don’t need to worry about being true to myself.
What I struggle with is if there is no purpose, then why has this same question been so consistent across time, culture, religion, and science?