I was first introduced to the Baseball Gods by my good friend and ex-coach of T-Bolt Nation, John Duffy. The Duff-Man explained away many Karmatic occurrences as the work of the Baseball Gods, the deities who keep the game in check. Here’s an example:

-Umpire blows a call for Team A. Team A is mad and was clearly wronged.

-Batter on Team A subsequently hits a 19-hopper that hits the base and shoots over the fielder’s head. Team A got retribution for the out they lost…because the Baseball Gods like equity.

It’s Just That You Can’t Keep Good People Down

In reality, Karma doesn’t exist; it just doesn’t. People talk about life events where they get wronged by a person, and years down the road “Karma catches up with them” and that person gets wronged. Well, something bad (or good) is bound to happen to everyone at some point, and we tend to forget all of the good and bad incidents between the big, salient ones on which we base Karmatic compensation. Here’s an example:

Sally: “Did you hear about Brent?”

Mildred: “You mean your sister’s ex-boyfriend?”

Sally: “Yeah, he broke her heart 2 years ago. He was such as jerk. But, he just lost his job…Karma caught up with him!”

Mildred: “Is that the same Brent who inherited an island off of Nantucket last year?”

Sally: “Yeah, it is, but you just can’t run from your past!”

Point of this story is that we can selectively highlight good and bad incidents to make Karma seem real. But, to really investigate it, we’d have to consider every life event in between the two events in question.

But, my life and those of other resolute people seem laden with good Karma. In reality, it’s just the world we produce. Bad things happen to me, but I respond to them positively so that it never looks or feels like I’m getting a bad deal. Negative things turn into positives, and this phrase about the Baseball Gods encapsulates it.

It’s not about Karma, it’s about the fact that good things always tend to happen to people who put their all into their endeavors. In this case, we’re talking about baseball.

Coaches love hard-working, gritty, appreciative players. These are the David Ecksteins, the Jon Lesters, the Ryan Vogelsongs. These guys appreciate playing the game; they play it with enthusiasm and heart and their road hasn’t been easy. It seems that good breaks always go their way, and one could say that the Baseball Gods are rewarding their devotion.

Pious is one of my favorite words, though I’m areligious. Pious means devoutly religious. Many are religious, few are truly pious. One of the great philosophy dialogues, Euthyphro, introduced me to the word. It’s said a staggering amount of times, making it impossible to forget.

Being pious to the Baseball Gods, to me, means the following:

- Working hard to get better, day in and day out

- Playing the game hard.

- Competing at your best regardless of the score or inning

- Respecting your coaches, your opponents, yourself

- Being a student of the game

- Enjoying the privilege of playing, knowing that others cannot or have failed yet wish they could

- Remembering that you didn’t earn your genetics

- Reacting to negatives with the understanding that the game is often unfair and unforgiving

So be pious to the Baseball Gods. Play hard, work hard, and appreciate being on the field. If you do that every day, your career will go farther than it otherwise would. The longer you hang around the game, the more you see the impious weeded out. Maybe it’s divine retribution for not running out ground balls, or for dogging it during pitchers’ conditioning. Or maybe life just continues to reward those that give it their all, regardless of who’s watching.

The Baseball Gods Reward The Pious.  Dan Blewett

On Poster, if you’re not physically ill from sugar consumption literally the entire day, you didn’t celebrate properly. It’s basically St.Patty’s day for children and sweet-toothed morons like myself.

At 9:30 this morning I started with what I call a “Poster Oreo”: A Reese’s Peanut Butter Egg, Followed by an Almond Joy Egg, washed down with another Reese’s Egg. (Almond Joys are white in the middle, thus the “creme” of the Oreo) I felt terrible immediately thereafter…and so it began.

You need to adopt a wave approach: eat candy until you feel like death. Rest for about 45 minutes, then eat more candy. It will take less and less candy each wave to make you ill and thus craving something healthy…push through that nonsense and keep going; this only comes around once a year.

Not pictured below is a chocolate bunny that I was planning on beheading, stuffing full with peeps, reheading with some sort of chocolate soldering iron, then consuming like a starving wolf. I’ll have to regroup and extend Poster through Tuesday to get this done. Pictures to follow.

It’s officially spring. It’s time to feel good – here’s a few songs that are flat-out awesome and I believe can be enjoyed by the young, hip kid and older fuddy-duddy type alike. There’s a lot of rap using classical beats and I personally dig the combination. These songs are all, to my knowledge, lyrically pretty “clean” and appropriate. Radio-approved music is getting worse and worse (Rack City is the worst song ever), but this stuff is too cool to hit the radio anyway. I wore #13 last year in Fargo, so I’m gonna give you 13 of my favorite songs that are a bit off the beaten path.

I’m gonna start you off with a song that I guarantee almost no one has heard. If you have heard Nujabes before, please leave a comment and let me know. The dude is apparently dead and you can’t find his album, but I caught some of his stuff a few years ago from a friend. Some of his stuff is elevator music, but the following song is really good…

The Roots. LOVE this beat.

This song by Atmosphere is amazing. The first few lines describe a hangover, but it’s really not inappropriate for young ears. Little known Dan Blewett Fact: I don’t get hangovers. I rarely drink; however, I’m fully capable of running hill sprints after a long night. I could use that power for evil, but drinking really is a waste of time. Thanks, Mom and Dad, for the genes.

This one by Kings of Leon is pure greatness. I can’t get sick of it.

Kanye is the young black man’s equivalent of a dingbat. However, this song is one of my all-time favorites.

My Favorite Fort Minor song is not “Remember the Name…”

What kind of list would this be without my boy Lupe?

Common – Be. It’s almost a shame it’s so short.

And now let’s turn into some Reggae…

Bob Marley. This live version of Punky Reggae Party is amazing because of the energy you can feel from Bob and the crowd. The studio version is nothing in comparison. You MUST crank this song loud to appreciate it. You have to be a bit enveloped by the atmosphere behind the music.

I’m really not the sappy type; Pepper is just legit.

Matisyahu. Such a cool story.

Tribal Seeds.

Damian Marley. Probably my favorite out of the bunch. Harder reggae on the whole.

Hope you enjoyed, or at least learned a few new artists worth checking out. BUY WHOLE ALBUMS – that’s how you find the lesser known gems such as ones on this list. It’s almost summer – go have fun.

Be sure to check out Cornbeltbaseball.com  - it’s a great site created by two guys passionate about baseball.

Desporto: To Carry Away. When the terrorist attacks of 9-11 occurred, why did the Yankees play only days later? To whisk away the troubles of a very shaken, desperate city. Why do we flip on the television to watch the game after a stressful day of work? To get lost in in the amazing physical feats of another, drowning out the tedium and nagging repetition of daily life. Sports have been and will be around forever because they always allow us to escape the reality that life is often harsh, difficult and undeterred.

I just got off the phone with my student Chris, one of the finest young men I know. He had texted me and my good friend Daryn letting us know that he was dropping out of our throwing and hitting academies, respectively. This young man’s girlfriend had just suffered a huge family shakeup and he felt that he had a duty to be a man and take care of her. In her time of extreme need, he explained, he couldn’t justify playing a foolish game. Very few males at his age would show this kind of character – he’s a man at age 16 if there ever was one. 

But, I assured him, he needed this more than ever. 5 months of hard work was coming down to one last month, and when life rears it’s ugliest head, it’s those times more than any other where we need to turn to those activities that can carry us away. He wanted to be there for her to help ease her pain, and he has and will continue to be. But, both of them need the ability to flip that switch – to be absorbed by activities that take the thought away from the crushing sadness and the harsh reality that life is fragile. We need to sometimes bathe ourselves in the childish, innocent, most joyful of activities just to keep ourselves optimistic, young and happy.

Sports provide us much more than we think they do. They give us a reason to get up in the morning, whether it’s pursuing a personal dream or sharing in a collective one. Every September we get riddled with Monday Night Football Commercials that remind us – 4 more weeks; 3 more weeks; 2 more weeks. It’s true. Sports put a hop in one’s step, even if they aren’t out on the field diving for a baseball or kicking a soccer ball. They give us reason to be passionate, to be opinionated, to follow something rich with tradition and excellence. The give us insight into the best of what a human being can physically be and give our youth something to work toward.

I had the privilege of being asked to attend the Letter of Intent signing at one of my most enthusiastic student’s high school. His sister asked his Mom what the big deal was, and her Mom replied, “Because when Eric was little, he wrote down in school one day that when he grew up, he wanted to be a baseball player.” How many of us now work a 9-5, yet wrote that same optimistic answer on a sheet of wide-ruled paper as an 8-year old. I did.

When we are happy and enthusiastic, we don’t need as much of what sports provide for us. When life is great and provides new bounty every day, who needs to be carried away from that? It’s the times of great need where we turn our attention and allow ourselves to be excited about something that maybe doesn’t have a really useful function. A doctor performing surgery is an important event. A soldier fighting for our freedom deserves our respect. Hitting a leather ball with a wooden bat? Where’s the urgency? Who will die if no connection is made? Who gets hurt if the ball doesn’t find the back of the net? If you forget about what they mean to us all on an emotional level, sports appear petty and trivial.

But when you step back and realize the joy, the carefree passion, the optimism and enthusiasm that sports provide all of us, you start to realize how true the etymology of the word is, and how much all of us need to be carried away from the heartbreak that life will inevitably hand us.

I hate to end this very heartfelt article with a commercial, but the Monday Night Football guys really understand – the game takes us away. After all, comedy does the same thing for our soul that sports do.

1. Early results from the first 30 Warbird Throwers. A rough look at my data suggests that my group has gained on average 3 miles per hour and as high as 7. I’m pretty excited, and have new technology (Thanks Mike!) to share throwing data on my site. Check out the Player Velocities Page under the Warbird parent tab. If you’re not local you won’t know the names, but you can check the progress some of my hard workers have made. Nick Hieb, a Junior, just threw in front of a few college coaches and sat 3-4mph higher than he had previously peaked as of last year (his peak is about +5-6). Pretty excited about him – he’s earned it.

2. My Trip to LA for Alan Jaeger’s Pro Camp was awesome. I have lots to share but as of now too little time to share it. Soon – it was well worth the trip.

3. I’m going to share via video some of what I’ve learned about velocity this winter, and I’ve learned a whole, whole lot. The radar gun is the greatest pitchers’ training tool ever created, in my opinion. You’d be amazed how much pitch-by-pitch feedback can do for a thrower and a coach who wants his kids to throw harder. I’m not going to give away my proprietary program, but I will give you insight into what you can do at home today to throw harder immediately.

Thanks! Stay Tuned….

This was in Spain last Christmas, which isn’t technically 2011, but it was within 4 days or so and is worth sharing. This was the best breakfast ever, and was provided every morning in our hotel. Fruit, meat and yogurt. Pretty simple, but healthy and delicious. Jamon Serrano is the ham shown, which is cured for 400 days and sliced paper thin; it’s incredible and unlike anything made in America. Depending on the pig’s diet, the fat can even melt at room temperature.

But for as well as Spaniards do breakfast, they don’t seem to have a clue about what is, and what is not CREEPY. Christmas just passed, and I guarantee one-surgically-removed-one-button-eyed-denim-Santa did not come down anyone’s chimney, at least not without a greeting by a shotgun. Seriously – these things (there’s another one in a top hat next to it) were creepy as hell, and did NOT want to make me buy whatever crap they were peddling.  

This dual power rack, made by Rogers, was purchased by me for $700…it retails for $7000. I’m a small business owner, and am proud that I have about $40,000 worth of equipment in my facility that has cost me and my associate around $7000 all told. If you read my “26 Things” article, I alluded to the luck that has helped me get my business afloat. Well, my purchasing has been one of those things. I got lucky piecing my gym together over the last year, and it’s now VERY well equipped and twice the size of whats shown in this picture from last February.

I’d love to act like the high-powered trainer who throws down thousands of dollars on the world’s best equipment, but I’m also proud to have built something from very humble beginnings…we started with only dumbbells, a cable machine and 1000 square feet. No plates, no bars, no racks, nothing. Me and my first trainees here made the best of what we had and things have been growing ever since. Very few trainers start their careers in their own facility. I’ve never worked in a commercial gym, so starting small was the only way. I’m pretty thankful for that; everyone is new at some point.

This picture is a non-sequitur, if pictures can be non-sequiturs. I took this in Meijer because I started laughing out loud at the irony. I got weird looks, but it’s hilarious. An eye patch that’s half off. Get it?

This is another picture of a major gym purchase…8000 pounds of weight plates from Indiana State Surplus. I like these plates because they have seen some things, been abused, and are still here to tell the tale. Where’d they come from? An Indiana prison. I threw away about 500 pounds of plates with cracked hubs, sold about 3000 pounds of them (subsidizing my cost down to a laughable amount), and wire brushed and repainted the remained 4500 pounds. We use these weights everyday despite some hairline spiral cracks in many of them, presumably from Olympic lifts out on the concrete. Austin and myself had to farmer’s walk all of these in from the truck, which took about 90 minutes and absolutely fried our forearms. I hated life buffing the rust off and repainting these, which took a whole week, the last week I was in town before I left for pro ball. I bought the huge quantity betting on the fact that I would get to expand my gym when I got back in the fall; when we did, it saved me about $5000 in weights that would have been necessary to make the bigger space useful.

This is Morgan Depew circa January 2010 as a Junior. Morgan is the man. The following photo is morgan 11 months later…up 20 pounds.

I got to play baseball in Maui…for 13 days. And they paid me. Ridiculous.

Flew on a prop plane up to Edmonton. First time ever on the runway, on a tiny little plane.

…it was worth it. Edmonton was a cool city, and Telus Field gorgeous. Dude hit a bomb off me that was 40 feet in the air over the 420ft sign. I looked back at it, off the bat, to check if it was going to stay in the ballpark. Then, as I picked up what looked like a golf ball in the sky, I scolded myself for looking “Are you kidding? That thing’s so far out of here you should be embarrassed to even look back at it.” The guy played in the Majors for a while, and he hit it oppo…yeah.

This is the coolest photo I’ve ever taken, and the fact that my phone was maxed out on zoom, making it look pointilistic makes it even more authentic. We were at a restaurant in Edmonton and across the bar was this old guy who was dressed in a well-tailored black suit, who was clean cut and looked like he had no family in the world. He was so drunk that he was basically staring at the bar, unmoving, and he looked to me like a career hitman who was coming to terms with a lifetime of regret and solitude. I’m not joking. He looked like he was straight out of a movie; depressed doesn’t even come close to describing his profound sorrow.

This was my locker in Lake County…we didn’t get lockers. So, I made one using athletic tape, a magic marker and some 3-D perspective. I was pretty proud of it. I was #9, and my nickname is “Blew” or “Blue” depending on how you want to spell it; I chose the latter. Reliever Greg Lane helped me design it, so you may make out “BlueLane MFG” above the locker tag. Best locker I ever had.

The collapse of the Lake County Fielders was the most stressful week of my baseball career. I went from having a self-made locker to having my locker and all my gear arranged for me on every roadtrip, jerseys with my name on the back (first time since I was 14), and the overall comfort of an organization that treated all it’s players with tremendous respect. A big Thank You goes out to the Fargo-Moorhead Redhawks, who run a first-class ballclub.

Haymarket Park, home of U Nebraska and the Lincoln Saltdogs, is the most pristine field I’ll likely ever play on. It’s unreal. I pitched well there, which broke a streak of some very subpar performances; must have been the emerald-green, perfectly laid grass.

In August the deal went down from 600 miles away, and my gym expanded to 2400 square feet. I immediately bought new turf to maximize use of the space.

The new, permanent layout for the gym. Turf down, chock full of awesome equipment and good people.

Old, cheaply made sled. Who’s laughing now, chinese manufacturing?

New, Bad Rogue Dog Sled. I think this has 850 pounds on it…I moved it 5 feet. Mom! Look at me! Mom! MOM! You’re not watching!

This picture is of “The BA”. He’s a super-strong 14 year old, a self-proclaimed BAMF, and one known for interesting behavior. I think he just got done a sled drag…

…which he loaded in a very phallic, very moronic way. I literally slapped my forehead when I saw this. I love my job.

This is a composite photo of the external rotation of one of my high schoolers. He has a different weighted ball in each hand…but you wouldn’t know it based on his external rotation. I’m looking into a lot of different variables in throwing velocity. Conclusions are on the horizon.

This is my new (AWESOME) logo for my Warbird Throwing Academy, designed by my college teammate Ryan Morse, which was born on a bus in between Nebraska and Wichita. Warbird has been growing quickly and is my big project in churning out high-velocity throwers AND highly-repeatable pitchers.

What makes me most happy going in to work each day is the relationships I have with my people. This year for my birthday present a bunch of my older guys and gals chipped in to get me a tattoo. If you dont know, my logo is an abstract “db” (my initials in lowercase). But, the tattoo really represents all the hardworking young athletes who entrust their futures to me, and the major impact they all have on my life. And no, I don’t care even a little bit how it will look when I’m old, thank you, and neither will my future badass of a wife.

2011 was great, no matter what 2012 holds. Jan 1, I welcome thee.

1. You Never Feel Old

I still feel like I did in college – not old. Though I’m apparently “the oldest mid-twenties guy I’ve ever met” (Daryn), I still feel young and like I fit in BSing with all the younger kids I train. I’d put youngness factor at 19.

2. Bad Times Come and Go

I’m not going to knock on wood because I don’t believe in superstition. 2008-2009 was easily the worst year of my life, and 2010-2011 easily the best. Life goes up and down; get through it and keep marching.

3. People Are As Good To You As You Allow Them To Be

I have such good clients it blows my mind sometimes. No bad apples, just genuinely awesome people who work hard for me. I try to treat them like family and make sure they feel connected to me; maybe it’s why we get along so well.

4. The Opposite Sex Goes in Cycles

I get bored being single every once in a while and start to look around. Sometimes I find nothing and it frustrates me, sometimes I get bombarded; sometimes it’s dry but when it rains it pours. People feel hopeless about finding a good partner, but it’s not that big a deal – be open to others, let things come and they will.

5. Thermals Are Awesome

I’ve started wearing thermal shirts a lot. They are just right for my gym – it’s nippy in there all fall and winter. I can move in them, look like a respectable person and less of a gym rat, and they’re comfy.

6. Deadlifts Are Also Awesome…But They Don’t Work For Everyone

I tell people, if you had one exercise to do for the rest of your life, it should be the deadlift. But, for about 15% of people I’d say they really just don’t agree with their body. Backs hurt on deadlifts for some people, and rather than beat a square peg into a round hole, I take it off of their to-do list. Some people just aren’t built for certain lifts; its OK. There’s many more exercises out there that can get the job done.

7. Bodies Are Enigmas Sometimes

My arm has bothered me for the past two years in a mysterious, enigmatic way. I get really deep aches that make it difficult to bounce back between starts. This past season in August, it went away, for no reason at all save a tiny tweak in my mechanics. All that pain over a year and a half and it just packed up and went away. Weird.

8. Pursuing Some College Degrees Are A Terrible Financial Decision

Getting more degrees doesn’t necessarily make you more qualified. So, is the 60 grand you’re going to spend to get another really going to translate into more money? Today, maybe not. Law degrees and medical degrees in students who aren’t in the top 10% of their class are proving a terrible investment, landing people low-paying jobs that don’t justify the high loan costs. I’m not going back to school to get another degree in exercise, nutrition or any of it – I could continue learning in many other ways and extra letters next to my name won’t get me more clients. Not one person has ever asked for my credentials thus far; they just listen and judge for themselves if I know what I’m talking about. I do, so they listen and pay me, and I get results; that’s the biggest thing that matters.

9. Everything Is Arbitrary

That beautiful car? Some designer decided he liked the way it looked. Was there a reason he didn’t add one more curve or bend or line? If there was, it was simply because he didn’t want to. As much as things are based on research, they’re more often based on our judgment of “good enough.” Why did a painter decide his painting was complete instead of adding one more brush stroke? Because that’s what he felt was best. Much more in life falls under this category than you realize. Look around at all of your possessions, buildings, cars – they were all made by people who chose their shape, look and design.

10. If Everything Is Arbitrary, You Can Build Your Own Empire

If ultimately everything was built by someone who simply decided they would, and decided simply that they designed as best they saw fit..why don’t you? There’s no formula, just build it the way you think it should be built.

11. We Will All Die

…But who cares? While we are still here we should do something we’re passionate about, even it’s ultimately for nothing. I don’t believe in an afterlife, but I believe in doing something important my with life simply because it’s the only one I get.

12. Hungry People Don’t Stay Hungry For Long

They get what they want or they die trying.

13. You Probably Know What You Need To Be Doing

Go Do It. When you feel that tug of guilt, that you’re not living up to expectations or a promise to yourself, get up and go. It has to be today; tomorrow never comes.

14. You Can’t Blame People For Being Happy

Well, you can if being happy requires something sinister like smashing puppies with hammers. People are ultimately going to choose the path that they feel will lead them to happiness. Girlfriend broke up with you and was Facebook official with another dude 4 hours later? Well, she probably needs that. Don’t be bitter; let her go.

15. They Can’t Take Away Your Experiences

Some crazy things happened last year, things that I’ll always remember. I won’t be sharing all of them on this forum, but I smile when I recall them every now and again. I’ll have them, rich, poor, or sick.

16. Good Friends Don’t Fade (As Fast)

It sucks being away from my friends back home, and unfortunately I have to choose who I make time for on my brief visits home. Good friends have longer staying power in a long-distance relationship, but ultimately they’ll all go away if you don’t tend to them.

17. Sometimes Your Body Is Stupid

I hurt my neck yesterday doing chin ups…with nothing around my neck. I have that nerve pain that makes it hard to move my head side to side. Nothing touched my head or neck when it happened – I was pulling up on a bar with a belt and a kettlebell attached to my waist. Inexplicable. It’ll go away, but it’s annoying. Sometimes your body hurts for no reason at all.

18. Being Cold Sucks

I asked for slippers for Christmas…another sign that I’m becoming old, frail and boring. But, my apartment is cold all the time (by choice) and I find myself seeking warmth like a cold-blooded creature. The winter sucks. Hard.

19. Trivial Interactions Don’t Add Much

Good friends last; trivial interactions don’t. Once I got rid of facebook and all that nonsense, I didn’t miss it at all. I didn’t wake up wondering what that guy from my college psych class was eating for breakfast. My life really hasn’t changed at all. If all the social networking is the way of the future, then why is it so easy to live without now that the habit is broken?

20. Guys Need To Shave

I don’t razor shave, but I keep my facial hair down to a shadow at most times. I go through phases where I want to grow a beard, but usually after 2 weeks I have to meet with a new client, parent, coach or whoever, and I’m very aware of how a scraggly beard looks to people – sloppy. People make snap judgments on appearance; having dirty-looking facial hair is going to detract from your image and credibility. Most chicks don’t really dig it, either.

21. Italian Beef is My Lord and Savior

Easily the best thing about the midwest. The only food I will buy for lunch is Italian Beef or McAllister’s Deli.

22. Don’t Dress Like A Slob (I’m Talking to YOU, College Kids)

I’m old enough to look down upon college students now, and boy do I ever – I hate the guys and girls walking around town in sweatshirts and pajama pants en route to class. News flash – you look like crap. What if you’re a single person and your ideal man or woman walks by you on the street? You’re screwed, that’s what. Dress like you want to make a positive impression on whoever you might meet. And, being a former college student, I remember being impressed with the occasional girl who would come to class every single day looking cute. I wear workout clothes to work, but when I go grocery shopping or errand running, I put on jeans and try to look like a respectable man. If I run across a Victoria’s Secret model at the Post Office, I’ll be ready.

23. Don’t Give Self Esteem Out For Free

My youngest guys have increased their swagger tenfold. I refer to them regularly as badasses, but only because they’ve earned that distinction. When they are late to training, aren’t focused, or just aren’t giving me the effort I expect, I let them know; I use the phrase “that was terrible” as much as any other in my gym. I’m not going to sugarcoat anything, no matter what age, but they get equal doses of positive reinforcement when they do get things right and go the extra mile.

If people get praise both good and bad outcomes, they don’t earn the right to feel like they have conquered their inadequecies. My guys and girls know that when I praise their work, they really deserved it and because of that they feel accomplished. When I chew them out or get in their ass about a poor job, they don’t turn down their lips and cry – they correct it because they know they aren’t meeting the high standard I hold for them. When people operate on that system of checks and balances, they learn that negative feedback and failure doesn’t have to affect their ability to succeed in the future and continue to feel positive about their work.

24. 9-5 Jobs Suck (So I hear)

My sister has one. She doesn’t love it. I have never had one, and I consider myself lucky, based on what I’ve heard. Avoid at all costs so say all.

25. Amalgamation Is A Cool Word

I need to use this word in a sentence before the year ends – it’s been on my desktop sticky note for 3 months now. My unique training style is an amalgamation of the methods of great strength coaches from whom I have learned – Fred Cantor, Nick Tumminello, Jeff Friday. I’ll cross that off my list.

26. I’ve Got A Pretty Good Life Through 26.

I consider myself lucky. Though I’ve worked for what I have, none of what I do would be possible without the invariable serendipity, luck, and support from friends, family and colleagues. I’ve had some big obstacles that would have ruined me if not for the right person at the right time giving me an extra little boost. We can’t control everything in life; hard, though, we may try.

That’s all, folks. Til next year…

This year, rather than write a simple “What Gifts to Buy” article, I decided I want to encourage a zero-possession-shift for this year. Yes – I am going to impose my lifestyle of very few material items on everyone else. So, I’m going to suggest 5 things to buy for your athletic friends and family. I am also going to recommend that you steal and destroy 5 of their current possessions, items that are likely holding them back from productivity. That way, you can get them new things without increasing the amount of “stuff” attributable to their name. Hopefully by getting them new, cooler things while destroying their old, counterproductive crap, we can put them on the right track to having a better year in 2012. Without further ado…

Buy: A Forearm Training Tool

Forearms are awesome. You’re not going to pick a fight in a bar with me or my buddy Daryn if we’re wearing short sleeves – our forearms will indicate that we’re more than capable of squeezing your precious life away. Though I’m too laid back to fight anyone, I’m a huge advocate of having strong and angry hands. Stronger hands will give you more force in throwing a baseball, swinging a bat, hitting a volleyball, hitting a golf ball, swinging a tennis racket, playing some very dorky badminton, or whatever. There’s virtually nothing in life not enhanced by having strong hands. Well, except maybe Kegel exercises.

Things to Buy: Tyler Grips;Metolius Rock Rings 3D;Metolius Wood Portable Power Grips; Manila Rope w/ Poly Ends – 2 inch diameter. Any one of these items you could throw in a gym bag and take your local meathead-factory. You’d be doing your arms and your game a favor.

Destroy: Facebook

Getting carpal tunnel from being on the computer too much is the exact opposite of having strong hands. Speaking of too much time on the internet…

…Facebook sucks. Since when do you care what some chick you went to high school with 12 years ago is eating for her mid-afternoon snack on a boring day at work? Since never. But, you read it anyway.

What could you do with that time if you weren’t giving it away, mindlessly paging through other peoples’ random thoughts and word vomit? Probably lots of things. I’m not gonna be that guy who says, “oh, you could write a book! fly a kite; ride a bike; learn a new language!” Ew. Nobody wants to do any of those things, either; those are things your grandma would suggest. For every thousand guys who chat up girls like crazy on Facebook, theres about ONE who actually does it in real life. Try to be that one. If you’re too scared, maybe Santa can bring you a spine.

Buy: Some Cool Jaco Gear

More and more of my clothing budget now goes to athletic stuff that I can wear to work. I’m pretty decked out in Nike, because it’s far and away the best gear with the best cut for my body shape. But, my buddy Nick turned me on to Jaco – a relatively new company making gear for the MMA fighting scene. They like to push their “Rayon from Bamboo” clothing that is supposedly sustainable because Bamboo is like the cutest weed on the planet (evoking Panda imagery wins hearts every time).

Nick gave me a Jaco shirt with his company logo on it and it is, without a doubt, the most comfortable shirt I own. I got some pretty badass Nike Pro Combat shirts made for my company last month, but I will be doing only Jaco in the future – they’re that comfortable.

Anyway, they’re new and they make cool-looking gear out of really awesome fabrics. If you’re into MMA (I’m not) then you’re going to be doubly in love. A great deal is their bundle – a shirt, shorts and compression shorts for $69.99.

Destroy: Your Collection of Khakis

I’m sorry – they’re just not cool. Go with jeans, or go with slacks. If you don’t believe me, consult a GQ magazine and/or attractive women everywhere. What are you, Carlton Banks?

Buy: A Pandora or Slacker Radio Subscription

I’m actually yet to take my own advice here, but hearing a Trojan Condoms commercial come over my very loud airwaves while talking to a parent today may have been the final straw. I stream Pandora or Slacker pretty much all day at the gym on a free plan, but I hate the ads more than I hate lacrosse. Well, maybe not that much – I hate lacrosse an awful lot.

Destroy: Your Child’s Love For Lacrosse

It’s not a possession, but it IS the world’s worst sport, played by frat boy pseudo-athletes. Here’s a breakdown of why your child chose Lacrosse over a real sport:

1. He couldn’t hit, throw or field a baseball.
2. He wasn’t big or strong enough to play football.
3. He wasn’t agile or fast enough to play soccer.
4. He wasn’t tall or black enough to play basketball. (sorry – white folks just can’t compete; it’s a fact)
5. He WAS able to run around without colliding with stationary objects.
6. He realized that he could adopt the sport as a Junior in high school and earn a D-I scholarship to pay for his wardrobe of popped-collar shirts.

“Dude it was like totally the first sport and the Indians or Mayans or something totally played it during ceremonies. It’s really catching on now in the U.S. and it’s going to take off and become a major sport.”

If I had a dollar for every time I heard that same speech by a rich, curly-haired moron, I could afford to supply every Lacrosse team in the NCAA with enough roofies to, well, last them a couple of days? They go through roofies pretty fast.

Buy: Custom Chuck Taylors or Vibrams

Someone on my Christmas shopping list has a pair of these being made by as we speak by little elves many thousands of miles away. And by elves, I really mean child laborers in Sri Lanka or some similar country. I hope not, but we both know that this is probably the case. You can customize your shoes on every detail from the laces to stitching to grommet color; it’s pretty awesome. I won’t be trading in my 6 year-old Chucks any time soon, but when I do, I’ll get the coolest pair this world has ever seen.

Converse All-Stars, A.K.A Chuckie Ts, are the ideal lifting shoe – flat and unsupportive. Lifting in these forces the foot to work – making the arches, ankles and whatnot stronger in the process. If you ever run in Chucks you will feel how weak your arches are because of your typical, heavily-supported shoe. They can be trained and strengthened just like any other bodypart. Plus, you have the added benefit of pushing up more weight since the heels will be directly on the ground, not having to compress all that mushy shoe padding when performing leg lifts.

Another cool option is Vibram Fivefingers shoes – flat, foot-formed shoes with individual toes designed to allow the foot to work in its natural gait. They’re a bit more yuppie, but still a good choice.

Destroy: Your Reebok Zigs and/or Nike Shox

They may be cool, but they are terrible shoes. They ruin technique before the lifter even steps foot on the platform and make for unstable lifting on an otherwise stable (the floor) surface; it’s like pulling a deadlift on a moon bounce.  They are comfortable on one’s foot in the same way a couch is comfortable on the ass. Don’t be a fat-foot.

Buy: A Non-Mainstream Glove

I’m tired of mainstream glove makers – Rawlings, Wilson, etc. The last A2K I bought was absolute garbage – soft, pliable leather that holds its shape as well as Oprah on an Oreo bender. I had an A2K a few years back that was hard as a rock and perfectly molded to my hand; those times appear gone.

Similarly, I picked up a teammates Rawlings Pro Preferred this summer and it was trash; thin and light. Pro Preferred models have always had the thickest, hardest leather with great thick laces and detailed craftsmanship. It seems to me that the big glove makers are going to cheaper materials and craftsmanship. It may not be true on the whole, but I’ve personally seen enough.

That said, my catcher this summer in Fargo had a contract with Vinci gloves, and his two mitts were the nicest I had seen in a long time. Thick leather, laces, nice patterns and craftsmanship – oozing quality. I don’t own a glove from or have any stake in Vinci, but I’m glad to see a small company making a good product that can compete with the big boys. One of his mitts had a mesh back that was way nicer than the Rawlings mesh models I had tried on – thicker, more durable, denser mesh.

The other thing is that patterns and colors have been rather bland from the big guys. Looking at mitts last year, I was completely unimpressed as I leafed through page after page of dogshit brown gloves with no contrast in the stitching, lacing, or whatever. Have some damn flare, please!

Give a little guy like Vinci a shot. I’m either going with a Vinci or Nike glove this season (Nike is not small, obviously, but their offerings last year were nice). It’s a David V. Goliath battle to win my hand. Wilson can go screw themselves; I’m still bitter about my A2K.

Destroy: Your Microwave

Microwaves encourage laziness and allow pre-made (inherently unhealthy) foods to become viable meal alternatives. I lived without a microwave, successfully, for 3 months last year. I’m moving into my own place this week, and I will not be buying a microwave. Aside from my general distaste for things, I found last year that any healthy foods I made tasted better reheated by a pan or the oven. Not having a microwave also discouraged laziness and brought my focus back to healthier, slower food.

I also didn’t refrigerate my cooked meat – usually I left it out until I ate it all; reheating was quicker that way. This was typically 24-36 hours at most which I didn’t feel threatened my health. Alton Brown may admonish me for this, but I never got any food poisoning. I watched enough Travel Channel in my day to realize that most countries serve meat hanging from hooks in the midday sun; 24 hours ain’t no big deal.

That’s it! Have a merry holiday season this year and contribute to your local landfill. Better to store worthless junk there than in your home.

Stay away.

In a roundabout sort of manner, I’m advocating chastity in my gym. While I’m fully aware that making young athletes more athletic, strong, and successful at their sport increases their attractiveness to the opposite sex, and the subsequent testosterone built during training also increases their natural drives toward the opposite sex, my interest is in building a good career for them. For most athletes, a boyfriend or girlfriend is a major distraction in their quest to make something of themselves. I advise my youngsters that girls are the devil, and that boys are big pieces of garbage. Is this true? Yes and no. Here’s why I hold these views:

1. Baggage Derails Careers

Sorry, but 95% of girls don’t handle their men being away for long periods of time, especially when their men are off as alpha males in a line of work that attracts “cleat-chasers.” There are some amazing women out there who make military and athlete families work, but the vast majority don’t. It’s as much the man’s fault as the woman’s, but the salient feature is the baggage back home. The more things an athlete has to look back at and take care of, the more his mind gets taken off his sport.

As a career progresses, the more strain the relationship bears and the more decisions have to be made. If every professional athlete was single until his career came to a natural end, there would likely be more who fully maximized their potential. But, family needs pulling them back and away from the game lead to big decisions – do you need one more season in minor league ball, or does your 5 year old need you home to take him to kindergarten? It’s tough.

2. Headaches Derail Careers

Relationships go through ups and downs that bear a striking resemblance to a sports career. Match the peaks and valleys at the wrong time and it makes for some pissed off people. A pro softball player who is going through the worst slump of her career isn’t going to be happy to hear that her boyfriend back home is also mad that she hasn’t called him in a week. When one relationship (sport or intrapersonal) is going poorly, chances are that it will drag the other one down with it. If they’re both rocky at the same time, fireworks usually ensue – with few survivors.

I had a teammate this year whose fiancé told him, in July, that it was her or baseball. We were in Canada. What do you do in that situation? Fly home immediately, ending your career in one fell swoop? It’s not easy to break up with either. Fortunately, those two crazy kids have worked it out, but I could just see the stress in his eyes and his voice when he told me about it. The sport you’ve loved your whole life, or the woman with whom you wish to spend the rest of it? Hell of a decision.

3. Extras, Homework & Prep Time Get Squeezed Out

This was my first big problem having a girlfriend back in college. As I improved and climbed the ladder, my obligations to training increased. I found myself having 3 hours of practice, homework, class, and suddenly extra rehab, stretching and exercises that I needed to do on my own time. I wanted to do these extras because I couldn’t settle leaving things up to chance by not fulfilling my obligations to myself. When you’re out all day and you finally go to see your lady friend, she’s not really made happy watching you perform sleeper stretches and arm exercises in her room; she wants your attention. Even girls who are independent and laid back are going to have a problem with this, eventually. So I felt conflicted – make good on my obligations to myself, or her? It wasn’t easy. I’m not married, so I guess we all know how that one ended up…

4. They May Not Be On Board

Jealousy happens. Every girl I dated for a substantial chunk of time felt that I chose baseball and my career over them; it was true, but it wasn’t something that I really chose. The thing is, baseball and I are together – there’s no separating us. Either she fits in – understanding that though she can’t replace my love of my sport, she still makes my life better, or she doesn’t and grows bitter and resentful. Usually it was the latter.

My most recent EX told my best friend, upon picking him up at the airport on his visit, that she point-blank didn’t support my career; she wanted me to quit soon. It represented a major lack of understanding; the guy she liked didn’t exist without that sport, without the chase. If I had quit for her on her terms, I would have been so bitter that we’d have broken up anyway. It’s either accept it and coexist or move on. I wasn’t OK with knowing that she didn’t support my dreams and life track; she wasn’t OK because my sport took away from her time.

5. Talk Is Cheap

Continuing on the #4 point, many spouses will talk up their level of support while the career is still on the ground. Once the athlete actually leaves and is away for months at a time, that support often proves as sturdy as an autumn leaf. I have a story…

I found out that I got traded away from the team located in my new home town. I was staying in Normal and planning on playing there again – a good thing since I was living there and my ladyfriend was there. When I got traded away, here was the dialogue that ensued:

Her: “(Crying)”

Me: “You knew this was going to happen sooner or later. This was my dream, to move up and move on. I was going to play somewhere else eventually; we talked about this.”

Her: “(between sobs) Yeah, but I pretended it was never really going to happen.”

Me: “Well, at least you’re honest.”

All in all, I’d rate that conversation as pretty awesome. She talked a big game about supporting my dreams, but once her world was disrupted it came out of the wash as a big façade. I can understand – I go off and have the best time of my life, not missing her so much because of how sweet my life playing ball is, all the while she stays at home; I get it, but that’s just how it is.

6. HeartAche/Heart Flutters = Bad Performance

Thinking about pretty girls turns my head in the wrong direction. Girls thinking about cute boys puts their mind in the gutter, not in the game. If a guy or girl breaks up with her significant other, you can bet on their performance going downhill for the ensuing few games or weeks. Time waits for no (wo)man, so if a scout shows up to watch when you’re in the dumps thinking about your ex, well, too bad. Likewise, get too wrapped up in that cutie in the stands watching you and your game won’t be as sharp. Again – distractions.

How I Package This Information

Basically, if relationships come up in gym conversation, here’s how it goes down:

Me: “Hey, Fictional Trainee #1, you got a girlfriend nowadays?”

Fictional Trainee #1: “Nope. I’m single.”

Me: “You’re a wise man. Girls are the devil – remember that.”

Fictional Trainee #1: “Okay.”

Or, the conversation may go like this:

Me: “Hey, little Suzy, word on the street is that you broke up with your boyfriend. Are you doing okay?”

Little Suzy: “Yeah, he dumped me but we are sort of working it out. I think I’m going to forgive him.”

Me: “Don’t. You’re too awesome to take him back. Plus, boys are the devil – remember that.”

Little Suzy: “Okay.”

Love Is Great…

Just keep it away from my dedicated athletes. There’s a time and a place to fall in love: after your lavish career is over, in your million-dollar villa.