Being injured is tough.  It raises questions in oneself such as, is it really healed? Am I going to re-injure it? Am I going to have to endure another rehab stint, or worse yet, another whole surgery?  Is my career going to end if I hurt it one more time?

All of these gnawing questions plaque every ballplayer who undergone rehab or the surgeon’s knife.  Many get over these fears once they return the mound and are assured by their pain-free performances that problems are safely in their past.  Yet, many players never fully get over this mental hurdle and face decreased performance as they hold back, protecting their body from the 100% effort that they fear will result in further injury.

Thing is, this is no way to live, and certainly no way to play.  It takes a lot of reckless abandon to sprint full speed on a hamstring that has been painfully pulled, or really try to hammer a fastball by someone on an elbow ligament that tore from the bone just a year ago.  Even years down the road from an injury these doubts still persist and can hold a player back from his true potential.  So, how do we get past these mental speedbumps and roadblocks?

This is, unfortunately a tough question to answer.  I think for many, it just takes a gradual approach building confidence in the repair bodypart, with sustained pain-free performance that will ease the mind completely.  This is the path the sensitive person would probably prefer, the guy or gal who doesn’t like to push through pain that might not be indicative of any structural damage.

I make mention of structural damage because it’s an important distinction to make in one’s rehab.  Especially after surgery, the repaired bodypart is never like it used to be, and weird, random pains are a daily occurrence, even well down the road. Thing is, they usually don’t mean a damned thing.  Speaking from experience, I had some pain in my forearm that was unrelated to my Tommy John surgery.  They told me just to keep going, because it wasn’t something worth slowing down for.  Talk to anyone who has undergone surgery, and they most likely received the same advice from their surgeon at some point.

So, some people need to see pain-free results to be convinced to allow themselves to put forth a little more potentially-injurious effort, but others just need to feel their back against the wall…

I had this conversation with my friend Zach Clark, who has enjoyed a great pro career in the Orioles system for the past 5 years.  He worries about his arm sometimes, despite being a number of years out from his last major injury.  With a guy like him, who is only a level away from the Major Leagues, he has more reason than others to protect his arm by holding back.  His career has been maintaining on his current effort level, and an injury would seriously compromise his future.  So, he has a lot to lose and not too much to gain (since he has been successful doing what he has been doing) by trying to a little harder.

But, for a guy like me, who is in post-surgical and post-collegiate limbo, I have much less to lose.  The way I see it, if I hold back to protect myself and only throw, say 88, I jeopardize my attractiveness to scouts and pro coaches.  Yet, if I throw without inhibition, I may (or may only perceive to) put my arm at greater risk.  Now, my arm is certifiably fixed, but remember we’re not talking about reality here, only perception.

Either way, for a guy in my situation with his back against the wall, it’s damned if you hold back or (perceptibly) damned if you don’t.  So, I choose to attempt to reinjure myself with each and every pitch.  Sounds reckless, right?  Well yeah, it is, but not more than any other pitch thrown by any other pitcher at full speed…

A pitcher has to have confidence in himself and his arm to throw at his maximum velocity any and every pitch if he needs to.  So, post-surgery or not, the intent needs to be to throw the shit out of the ball every single time.  Throwing the ball with such intent is what separates pitchers labeled “aggressive” and those labeled “nibblers” or “conservative.” And you don’t have to throw 100 miles per hour to throw your pitches aggressively…

So reason with yourself, and make a deal with your arm if need be.  I’ll give you an example of the deal I made with my elbow a few months ago:

Me: Elbow, I’ll make you a deal: I’m going to abuse you, and I’m going to throw each of my pitches from here on out with the intent to destroy you again.

Elbow: Whats in it for me?

Me: I’m going to give you more strengthening exercises than you could ask for, so that if you get hurt again, it’s your own fault.  I’ll ice, massage and treat you better than any of my past girlfriends.  You’re gonna be taken care of, so you better start taking care of me and my career…

Elbow: That sounds like a lot of work.  Do I have a choice?

Me: No. And f you start hurting and complaining to me, I’m gonna get angry and start throwing even harder out of frustration, because I know there’s nothing actually wrong with you, and that you’re structurally sound and plenty strong to withstand at all.

Elbow: So I should just keep my mouth shut, is what you’re saying, because you’re not gonna stop no matter what I do?

Me: Babies often cry for attention, and I’m done babying you.  Cry all you want, no one will be listening.  I’m not gonna pitch scared anymore.  I’m giving you all the strengthening you could possibly need, so it’s just go time, no questions asked.

Elbow: I hate you, Dan.

Me: I hate you, too, but we’ll be friends again someday.

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